Unfair
by kajunblueyes
Summary: This is just another song fic to ride everyone over while they wait for chapter 11 of "he is her light" it's coming! I promise I'm working in it! I will have it up by tonight, but until then, enjoy my lovelies!


Unfair

I only wanted to check up on her, that was my reason for being here. At least that's what I tell myself. As I sit on the roof across from her townhouse, I watch patiently through her window for any sign of her being awake, it is after 2 AM after all. It seems as though this has become my nightly ritual, ever since Slade tore through Starling city. I feel like a stalker right now, but I cannot stay away from her. I am no good for her, everything I touch turns to ash. I meant every word that I said to her that night at the mansion, but I cannot let her know that. She means too much to me, to destroy her life as well. There is no doubt in my mind, that she is the light that Sara spoke of. As much as I want to protect her by keeping her at arms length, I am drawn to her like a magnet. So I sit here every night, keeping my vigil over her. I tell myself it is to keep her safe, but even I know that that is a feeble lie. It is because I have to see her. I have to be around her. I have to be in her space, or I just don't feel like myself, whoever that may be. It's funny, as I muse to myself silently, I only feel like I know exactly who I am when I am with her.

When her bedroom light suddenly flickers on, my heart starts racing in my chest. I wonder if I should approach her, if she is having nightmares. Why can't she sleep? Every single night at around this time I see her lights flicker on, only tonight there's something different. Her front door opens, and I wonder if she knows that I'm here. I wonder if she knows that I watch over her every night. When she walks out there's something in her hands. She looks up directly towards where I am perched, and I wonder if she sees me. I know I should try to duck and hide, but I don't because there is a big part of me that hopes that she does. Then she lets out a sigh and sits on her steps and I realize what it is that she had in her hands. I am suddenly so glad that I am watching her right now, it is dangerous for her to be outside on the front steps at this time of night. As she sits she displays her guitar across her lap and puts her fingers gingerly on the strings. She plays guitar? Why didn't I know this? I think at this point that I really need to get to know her a little bit more. I know who she is down to the core of her, but I don't know things outside of what we do.

Next thing that I know I hear the cords gently being strummed on the guitar and it sounds like heaven. It is a soft melody that she is playing that gently drifts towards me, and wraps around me to soothe my heart like a gentle blanket. It is almost as if she knows that I am here, and is playing for me. Then, almost as if the heavens opened up, I hear the angelic sound of her voice softly singing. There is pain in her voice, but at the same time there is pure love coming through the melody. As I listen to her words, I realize that the pain in her voice is coming from me.

"The city sleeps, so silently. I wish I could say the same for me. But I've got this dead ended street. To keep searching for A tunnel underneath the bitter truth, or a bridge invisible I won't fall through."

She sits there, singing this beautiful melody, all the while tearing my heart apart at the words flowing from that beautiful mouth. Is this what I have done to her? What I am doing to her by trying to keep her safe? Then her voice in my head covers my thoughts. "My life, my choice Oliver!" Before I can get too deep into this thought, I hear her voice lifting, almost as if she is purposely trying to pull me from my reverie.

"I don't know how much I can keep letting you unravel me, cause the more you learn, the more we share and we were worlds apart and you see, it was so much easier to be, cause now I know what we can't have and it's so unfair."

A tear silently runs down my cheek at her heart shattering words. I suddenly start moving, silently making my way down and towards her. My head is screaming at me to stop, but my body moves to her of it's own violition. I am drawn to her, moving towards her like the magnet I am.

"I never meant, most of those pretty words I said, but I wanted you to think I did. Cause telling you all this makes no difference. Ohh no, it's useless, cause those who get to know our hearts the most, they always seem to be the ones we'll never hold."

I look up and realize that somehow I came to be on my knees right in front of her. We are eye level now, and she doesn't seem surprised at all. Instead she just looks at me, with a look of pain and acceptance in her eyes. Tears stream down her cheeks, and I suddenly understand. I can see clearly, straight through her deep blue eyes, directly into her soul. She is giving up on loving me. She knows that she can't stop loving me, but she's letting me go. Letting the idea of "us" go. That thought rips my heart painfully right out of my chest. She is singing for me, and it's breaking me.

"And I don't know how much I can keep letting you unravel me, cause the more you learn, the more we share. Ohh we were worlds apart and you see, it was so much easier to be, cause now I know what we can't have and it's so unfair."

I can't let her go, even though I should. I can't keep her waiting in the wings anymore either, and I realize that I have to make a decision. Either let her go, or pull her closer.

"oh well can't you see it's destroying me? I can't stand the closeness, but don't you dare go avoiding me, it kills me and yet it keeps me going."

My own words ring clear in my mind as she continues to look directly in my eyes and the word flow from her soul.

"ohh I don't know how much I can keep, letting you unravel me, cause the more you learn, the more we share. ohh and we were worlds apart and you see, it was so much easier to be, cause now I know what we can't have and it's so unfair."

I gently pull the guitar from her hands and lean it against the steps. I reach out and take her face in both of my hands, silently wiping the tears off of her cheeks with my thumbs. Those words from moments earlier still ringing in my head as the make their way to my lips with a whisper.

"There is no choice to make."

I can see the shock on her face as she understands what I am saying in that moment. Her lips slightly part in anticipation of what I can tell she hopes will happen.

I lean in and gently touch my lips to hers. Just a whisper of a kiss, that is filled with promise and love. I pull back slightly, and she reaches up to pull my hood back and takes off my mask. It is a risk, but I don't care, because it is her way of telling me that she sees me. Not the arrow, but me.

She reaches down and takes my hands in hers. And stands, pulling me with her. I reach over, letting go of her left hand with my right and pick up her guitar. She turns and brings me inside with her. Not just inside her home, but inside of her heart, and I know that there is no place I would rather be. The irony is that right here, with her, she makes me feel safe. All this time I have been trying to protect her, but she is protecting me now. Protecting my heart, and keeping my soul in tact.

The next morning, I wake up with an angel in my arms. Her hair spread over my arm like a golden halo, as her head lays just over my heart. I didn't think it was ever possible to be this happy and at peace. She lifts her head and looks at me then, with a smile across her lips and says

"I love you too Oliver. Welcome home."

I roll us over capturing her lips in a searing kiss. Tongues battleing for dominance, hands roaming and searching as she once again sets my body on fire like no one before her has. I knew in that very moment that she was right, as she always had been. I am home.


End file.
